Tagged: chelsea

Smug Epidemic Hits UK

by Jed Tangent

An epidemic of smug is headed for Scotland with doctors advising people take precautions to protect themselves from this debilitating virus.

smug epidemicThe UK had two million confirmed cases of smug last year. But Smug expert Dr Monty Derringer, 42, says this spring he expects that figure could rise by 25 per cent.

“This year has all the hallmarks of a peak season,” Derringer says. The higher than usual smug activity, according to Doctor Derringer is due to the clement weather.

“Warm days allow smug people to spread the virus,” says Derringer. “Barbecues, cocktail parties, or just a drink in the pub. There’s always a miasma of smugness in the air.”

Vegan cyclists are 90% more likely to suffer from smug

Studies show that certain groups are much more likely to contract smug. Cyclists are one group, also vegans. Vegan cyclists are 90% more likely to suffer from smug than more ordinary people.

“A lot of people don’t take smug seriously,” he says. “The worst thing is that you might have smug for years and not realise it.”

Other at risk groups include; Chelsea supporters, people who do Yoga,  and Ed Sheeran.

Infection control expert at the University of Strathgarry, Professor Sienna Pecan, says it’s difficult to avoid catching smug if you aren’t prepared.

“Smug is transmitted orally and non-orally. The spread of smug from a carrier, can travel up to 25 metres,” she says.

Professor Pecan explains that an infected person could be sitting on the same train as you and be spreading smug without any obvious sign, which is one of the reasons it’s so difficult to control.

“You have to be vigilant,” she says. “Just ignore that man talking about his new Mercedes, as virus particles can get up your nose.”

Doctors are encouraging us to consider our families and work colleagues if we feel the onset smug-like symptoms like superiority or self-importance. Pecan recommends vigilant hand washing, and humbleness therapy.